I'm sorry you feel that way

One of the hallmarks of complex PTSD is attracting abusers. The definition of abuser has evolved over the last few decades just like trauma has. I'm 44, my underlying definition of abuse was not as...lets say...broad and woke as someone that's 25 and entering therapy. For the sake of keeping things simple, lets soften the word abuser and use the words, someone that doesnt know how to "communicate their feelings well". Someone that perhaps thinks its normal to feel one thing, and express another to passive aggressively persuade how you respond to them. Or maybe someone that pretends for extended periods of time to be something that they're not to remain close to you. Or even someone that betrays your trust completely, and justifies that to themselves, and to you, by guilt tripping you for not validating their insecurities..... ummm that's abuse. That weak, needy guy that seems so fragile that you tiptoe around boundaries to not hurt his feelings....is a manipulator. The phrase, "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a catch all indicator you're interacting with an abuser. The cousin phrase is "I'm sorry you see things that way", particularly when you're confronting someone about a betrayal....that they feel 100% justified in. Yes, those guys, that guy, is an abuser. Mind blown. Probably obvious to most people, but for me, that kind of sympathy and empathy driven "role play" kicked my conditioned responses into full throttle..and the more abusive and manipulative things became, the more I was bonded to the manipulation and manipulator. I entered therapy looking for answers about why my relationships always failed, and to cure myself of my "unfounded" fears of commitment. But two therapists now have redirected those thoughts to question why I formed attachments to abusive, controlling, toxic people in the first place. People I put on a pedastal and believed to be salt of the Earth. They push me to examine why I didn't walk away when the neediness was first shown, and further why I stayed invested when that neediness morphed into cruelty, punishment, gaslighting and manipulation. All of which a mentally and emotionally healthy person would have easily walked away from. I am the problem for sure, it just doesn't look like I thought it would to correct it. My relationships did not fail. My manipulationships failed, and thank God for that.